1 00:00:11,550 --> 00:00:12,570 but 2 00:00:12,570 --> 00:00:15,680 [Music] 3 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:19,619 there's nothing in the traditional sense 4 00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:24,360 that happened in the first 32 years of 5 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:27,180 my life that would say yes this is a 6 00:00:27,180 --> 00:00:30,660 budding author this child will become an 7 00:00:30,660 --> 00:00:31,739 author 8 00:00:31,739 --> 00:00:34,680 there's nothing almost nothing 9 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:42,870 I didn't read as a kid I didn't read as 10 00:00:42,870 --> 00:00:47,070 a young adult I didn't particularly like 11 00:00:47,070 --> 00:00:50,820 books I avoided books I wanted to be 12 00:00:50,820 --> 00:00:53,309 outside riding my bike and playing with 13 00:00:53,309 --> 00:00:55,170 my friends and just doing everything the 14 00:00:55,170 --> 00:00:59,370 kids did I grew up in East Brownsville 15 00:00:59,370 --> 00:01:03,690 and directly behind behind the house I 16 00:01:03,690 --> 00:01:06,390 mean open the back door right there from 17 00:01:06,390 --> 00:01:07,860 the forth on right there across the 18 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:08,840 alley 19 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,630 whatever that was 1012 feet was Ganados 20 00:01:12,630 --> 00:01:16,430 and that's where my sister had gone and 21 00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:19,320 it was assumed that I would go there too 22 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,240 every kid in the neighborhood went there 23 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:25,500 I went to Canales all of one day my 24 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:27,680 mother somehow found out that the 25 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:32,750 teacher that I had been assigned was a 26 00:01:32,750 --> 00:01:36,659 teacher's aide now my mother and father 27 00:01:36,659 --> 00:01:40,200 never finished school I think my mom 28 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,750 maybe got to the ninth or tenth grade 29 00:01:42,750 --> 00:01:44,729 and made my dad to the seventh or eighth 30 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:49,229 grade something like that and but she 31 00:01:49,229 --> 00:01:52,070 knew there was a difference between a 32 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,360 teacher who was certified and a 33 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,039 teacher's aide she knew that there was a 34 00:01:56,039 --> 00:01:58,920 there was that we weren't talking about 35 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,890 the same thing and so she went and spoke 36 00:02:01,890 --> 00:02:03,899 to the principal and said you know I 37 00:02:03,899 --> 00:02:08,149 want my son to have a real teacher and 38 00:02:08,149 --> 00:02:12,450 he said I'm sorry mrs. Gossett is but we 39 00:02:12,450 --> 00:02:14,220 don't have enough real teachers and your 40 00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:15,840 Senate to stay in the class that he was 41 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:19,260 assigned and I think she got in an 42 00:02:19,260 --> 00:02:22,710 argument with him and she said fine I'm 43 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,690 pulling him out today and 44 00:02:25,690 --> 00:02:28,850 not knowing what to do and you know how 45 00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:32,330 I would go to another school 46 00:02:32,330 --> 00:02:33,920 the only thing they could think of was 47 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:36,290 to put me in the Catholic school so they 48 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:40,520 put me in in st. Mary's it's fine but 49 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:44,360 it's getting expensive and after the 50 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,209 second year they thought let's let's try 51 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:51,770 to find something else and since I had 52 00:02:51,770 --> 00:02:54,590 been making the trek over there I 53 00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:56,450 thought well why don't we keep him in 54 00:02:56,450 --> 00:02:57,530 this neighborhood 55 00:02:57,530 --> 00:03:00,590 out there and drives right by st. Mary's 56 00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:04,220 so they started sending me to what was 57 00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:05,989 then called a beanie Heights and is now 58 00:03:05,989 --> 00:03:10,000 Martin Elementary and so I did that 59 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:15,530 third fourth fifth and sixth grade so 60 00:03:15,530 --> 00:03:19,310 that time I was time for junior high as 61 00:03:19,310 --> 00:03:22,190 if I don't you know I really don't want 62 00:03:22,190 --> 00:03:23,750 to like keep going all the way across 63 00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:27,140 town let me go here in the neighborhood 64 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,140 let me go to Foulke I must have been in 65 00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:32,390 a fight like every other week or 66 00:03:32,390 --> 00:03:35,780 something I mean you know it it was what 67 00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:39,230 you know what what the reputation was I 68 00:03:39,230 --> 00:03:44,000 mean I was there I saw it and you know I 69 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,650 mean I had a I had a good enough time 70 00:03:45,650 --> 00:03:48,140 and I had friends and everything but it 71 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:53,290 was very very distracting you know and 72 00:03:53,290 --> 00:03:56,660 and I saw where it was going because you 73 00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:58,010 know my parents had to go a couple of 74 00:03:58,010 --> 00:03:59,840 times I've gotten in fights in the room 75 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,200 or outside or whatever and we said well 76 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,540 okay there's only one more year because 77 00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:08,860 it was in junior high was only two years 78 00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:12,380 so I went back across town this time to 79 00:04:12,380 --> 00:04:17,019 central and so I spent a year at Central 80 00:04:17,019 --> 00:04:19,579 and by this time you know I'm meeting 81 00:04:19,579 --> 00:04:21,649 kids from all over town because I you 82 00:04:21,649 --> 00:04:23,000 know it's not the thing kids that were 83 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:27,919 at Evony heights you know and so I did 84 00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:30,200 that the my 8th grade there and then in 85 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,229 the in high school I did the four years 86 00:04:33,229 --> 00:04:35,660 at Porter though I don't know that I 87 00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:37,669 could have articulated it back then I 88 00:04:37,669 --> 00:04:39,169 knew that there was a difference too 89 00:04:39,169 --> 00:04:41,300 I mean the the type of teachers that 90 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:44,389 were here though I'm sure they were I 91 00:04:44,389 --> 00:04:46,189 know there were certified teachers at 92 00:04:46,189 --> 00:04:49,310 cannabis but that there was a difference 93 00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:51,889 between the two schools the schools were 94 00:04:51,889 --> 00:04:54,349 being given different attention you know 95 00:04:54,349 --> 00:04:56,900 or maybe had different resources and yet 96 00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:59,150 this is the neighborhood that I lived in 97 00:04:59,150 --> 00:05:00,439 this is the neighborhood that I was a 98 00:05:00,439 --> 00:05:02,300 part of that I spent the majority of my 99 00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:05,360 time and and played with all my friends 100 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,310 who went to that school I had a chance 101 00:05:07,310 --> 00:05:10,639 to see socially different sides of 102 00:05:10,639 --> 00:05:14,360 Brownsville it was one more version of 103 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:18,110 living on a border without Kazan a 104 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,629 border you're going between languages 105 00:05:20,629 --> 00:05:23,629 you're going between cultures and it was 106 00:05:23,629 --> 00:05:25,249 it was that same sort of negotiation 107 00:05:25,249 --> 00:05:29,150 from going from East Brownsville to to 108 00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:31,669 this leather neighborhood right I know 109 00:05:31,669 --> 00:05:35,150 that I had spent a lot of time feeling 110 00:05:35,150 --> 00:05:41,060 very frustrated and like there was a lot 111 00:05:41,060 --> 00:05:42,710 that I wanted to say but that I didn't 112 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:48,409 know how to say it and and I knew that I 113 00:05:48,409 --> 00:05:55,370 was I was I was looking for you know I 114 00:05:55,370 --> 00:05:57,500 was very much into it at that time very 115 00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:59,300 much into pop culture and I was looking 116 00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:03,979 you know for outside influences and and 117 00:06:03,979 --> 00:06:06,979 just feeling very very trapped 118 00:06:06,979 --> 00:06:09,080 Porter was I don't know if I don't think 119 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:12,409 it is anymore very very conservative I 120 00:06:12,409 --> 00:06:15,800 mean it was as conservative as anything 121 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:19,699 that I knew in Brownsville to be and so 122 00:06:19,699 --> 00:06:23,719 any sort of expression that was a little 123 00:06:23,719 --> 00:06:26,960 bit different just was not tolerated 124 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:33,649 but I grew up with these two deals I do 125 00:06:33,649 --> 00:06:38,509 act or I might be unequal and they were 126 00:06:38,509 --> 00:06:42,379 both great storytellers and they would 127 00:06:42,379 --> 00:06:46,490 come over to the house and just start 128 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:49,280 and they had their the you know they had 129 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,960 their set stories and then they had news 130 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,240 stories that would they you know bring 131 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,479 up occasionally and that was the only 132 00:06:56,479 --> 00:06:57,889 time that was doing that brought me 133 00:06:57,889 --> 00:07:01,580 inside the house and I was you know I 134 00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:04,460 could listen to them for hours just 135 00:07:04,460 --> 00:07:07,039 hours and how they did it I was just 136 00:07:07,039 --> 00:07:10,520 like there was nothing that was more fun 137 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,440 for me than to listen to my deals tell 138 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,979 stories and they were stories that had 139 00:07:15,979 --> 00:07:17,900 happened when they were kids and this is 140 00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:19,970 like this is an older generation I mean 141 00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:23,090 I'm very blessed though I didn't see it 142 00:07:23,090 --> 00:07:25,669 at the time I definitely realized it now 143 00:07:25,669 --> 00:07:30,020 I was born into a much older family it 144 00:07:30,020 --> 00:07:31,820 also meant that I grew up in a family 145 00:07:31,820 --> 00:07:35,539 that had these elders who had the this 146 00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:40,300 treasure of stories that that dated back 147 00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:43,940 literally into the mid-1800s because 148 00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:45,259 these are the stories that they had 149 00:07:45,259 --> 00:07:49,370 heard from from my grandfather and that 150 00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:50,710 they had heard from their grandfather 151 00:07:50,710 --> 00:07:54,919 right so I was getting these stories I 152 00:07:54,919 --> 00:07:58,130 was like oh my god I mean it was better 153 00:07:58,130 --> 00:07:59,509 than anything I was watching on 154 00:07:59,509 --> 00:08:01,759 television and I know it was better than 155 00:08:01,759 --> 00:08:03,320 anything I could have found in a book 156 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,870 even now I can't find anything as good 157 00:08:05,870 --> 00:08:09,889 as those stories and that was that was 158 00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:12,770 where it started it was an oral 159 00:08:12,770 --> 00:08:14,570 tradition that took the place of a 160 00:08:14,570 --> 00:08:16,550 literary tradition I start getting older 161 00:08:16,550 --> 00:08:19,250 and become a little bit more conscious 162 00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:20,630 of books and I'm reading books there 163 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,039 every once in a while but it's a it's 164 00:08:22,039 --> 00:08:23,690 not thing anything I'm doing on a 165 00:08:23,690 --> 00:08:25,789 regular basis and people will 166 00:08:25,789 --> 00:08:28,219 occasionally say well you know maybe she 167 00:08:28,219 --> 00:08:30,860 should write and I'm thinking I can't 168 00:08:30,860 --> 00:08:32,599 write I'm not a I'm not a writer 169 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,589 you know a writer is someone who grew up 170 00:08:35,589 --> 00:08:38,149 reading books either one of these little 171 00:08:38,149 --> 00:08:40,549 precocious little kids who taught 172 00:08:40,549 --> 00:08:42,799 himself to read when he was 3 or 4 he 173 00:08:42,799 --> 00:08:45,800 has the dad who you know smoked a pipe 174 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:49,160 and they the big letter you know leather 175 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,980 chair wingback chair and they had books 176 00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:55,520 all over and and and we have any books 177 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,860 in my house none we had a phone book and 178 00:08:57,860 --> 00:09:00,499 a book about Kennedy 179 00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:02,359 his first hundred days in office or 180 00:09:02,359 --> 00:09:03,649 something like that we didn't have any 181 00:09:03,649 --> 00:09:05,479 books they were no but maybe a Bible 182 00:09:05,479 --> 00:09:08,929 that was it so the idea that I would 183 00:09:08,929 --> 00:09:10,209 become an author 184 00:09:10,209 --> 00:09:15,319 it was so beyond me I I did not feel 185 00:09:15,319 --> 00:09:19,669 entitled that is not something that that 186 00:09:19,669 --> 00:09:21,979 was an option it just was not on the 187 00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:26,179 table but one day and it was just like a 188 00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:28,639 complete fluke I thought I had been out 189 00:09:28,639 --> 00:09:30,799 the night before telling stories with 190 00:09:30,799 --> 00:09:35,119 some friends in a bar and I thought you 191 00:09:35,119 --> 00:09:37,339 know what if I could write the story I 192 00:09:37,339 --> 00:09:40,369 told last night not a news story but 193 00:09:40,369 --> 00:09:42,439 just the story that that I told and it 194 00:09:42,439 --> 00:09:43,819 was one of my deal stories what if I 195 00:09:43,819 --> 00:09:46,449 could just write that story down and 196 00:09:46,449 --> 00:09:48,859 what if it was as good as what I said 197 00:09:48,859 --> 00:09:52,939 the night before so I tried to basically 198 00:09:52,939 --> 00:09:56,989 dictate curtain or transcribe what I had 199 00:09:56,989 --> 00:09:59,539 said the night before and I just wrote 200 00:09:59,539 --> 00:10:01,699 it out on a legal pen took you know 201 00:10:01,699 --> 00:10:04,459 whatever four or five pages and looked 202 00:10:04,459 --> 00:10:06,079 at it it wasn't you know I wasn't half 203 00:10:06,079 --> 00:10:08,720 bad at laughs that's not bad it was it 204 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:10,249 was very easy because I knew the 205 00:10:10,249 --> 00:10:12,499 beginning middle end I was know like you 206 00:10:12,499 --> 00:10:13,879 know I didn't have to create anything I 207 00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:18,199 just had to get it down on paper so then 208 00:10:18,199 --> 00:10:20,899 let me try another one and try another 209 00:10:20,899 --> 00:10:23,839 one and I keep doing this for several 210 00:10:23,839 --> 00:10:29,509 weeks and I start going to reading I 211 00:10:29,509 --> 00:10:31,579 start asking people what book should I 212 00:10:31,579 --> 00:10:34,099 read I start reading those books I 213 00:10:34,099 --> 00:10:37,039 started reading books about the authors 214 00:10:37,039 --> 00:10:39,949 that I've read I start reading criticism 215 00:10:39,949 --> 00:10:45,109 about those books and I just keep step 216 00:10:45,109 --> 00:10:50,419 by step educating myself and it was it 217 00:10:50,419 --> 00:10:54,829 was this way it was it was a it was a 218 00:10:54,829 --> 00:10:57,889 very sort of pure way of doing it in the 219 00:10:57,889 --> 00:11:02,509 sense that you know I was I was I was 220 00:11:02,509 --> 00:11:06,469 very hungry to know how these writers 221 00:11:06,469 --> 00:11:10,220 did it I knew how storytellers did it 222 00:11:10,220 --> 00:11:11,929 but I wanted to know how the writers did 223 00:11:11,929 --> 00:11:13,690 it 224 00:11:13,690 --> 00:11:17,890 so I read in wanting to know to sort of 225 00:11:17,890 --> 00:11:20,200 figure out how they did it figure out 226 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,180 their methods and I would you know study 227 00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:26,650 the story and need the the architecture 228 00:11:26,650 --> 00:11:28,510 of the story and just the way it moved 229 00:11:28,510 --> 00:11:32,110 and how it ended and why things were in 230 00:11:32,110 --> 00:11:34,930 certain places and very slowly I was 231 00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:40,690 getting a better sense of it but having 232 00:11:40,690 --> 00:11:42,370 done it this way as opposed to having 233 00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:46,930 gone through a traditional method of 234 00:11:46,930 --> 00:11:48,580 going through you know getting an 235 00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:51,340 English degree and learning the Canon 236 00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:54,160 and such would what you know is very 237 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:59,410 useful in this other way it allowed me 238 00:11:59,410 --> 00:12:01,720 to form my own opinions you know read 239 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:05,650 the read the Reedy everything that had 240 00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:08,020 been written about the text in all the 241 00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:10,660 supplemental material all the criticism 242 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:13,780 and all the all the biographical 243 00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:16,600 material as well but without somebody 244 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,210 there to interpret it for me for so that 245 00:12:19,210 --> 00:12:21,850 I was interpreting it as a storyteller 246 00:12:21,850 --> 00:12:27,580 and as a person becoming a writer I do 247 00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:33,700 this for four maybe five months and I 248 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:36,280 just I get to the point I say you know 249 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:39,450 what I'm going to do it and I was very 250 00:12:39,450 --> 00:12:41,350 comfortable in the career that I had I 251 00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:44,620 had been working in in advertising for 252 00:12:44,620 --> 00:12:49,530 this agency in Austin called GSD nm and 253 00:12:49,530 --> 00:12:52,540 GSD nm is the agency that before I got 254 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:55,000 there had developed don't mess with 255 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,240 Texas so it's sort of the Texas agency 256 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,910 and it's the agency that everybody 257 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:04,080 wanted to get into and I got into it and 258 00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:07,420 had tremendous opportunity and was 259 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,120 successful and had all these accounts 260 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,760 and spent a lot of time traveling to Los 261 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,240 Angeles in New York and Chicago and just 262 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:19,530 San Francisco and just had a very 263 00:13:19,530 --> 00:13:22,330 enjoyable comfortable life nothing that 264 00:13:22,330 --> 00:13:25,270 I was necessarily burnt out on and that 265 00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:25,910 I wanted to 266 00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:29,080 change but I had found something that 267 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,850 that I knew that I was beginning to love 268 00:13:31,850 --> 00:13:34,310 and my biggest fear was that I would get 269 00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:37,910 to a point where I would look back and 270 00:13:37,910 --> 00:13:40,700 say you know maybe that could have 271 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:43,100 happened but I didn't I had this other 272 00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,600 thing going on I had too many things 273 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,660 going on and I thought you know I just I 274 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,880 don't want to get to that point I would 275 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:53,960 rather see if I can do it and if I don't 276 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,230 do it anymore though it didn't work out 277 00:13:57,230 --> 00:14:00,110 but I tried you know I know and I'll 278 00:14:00,110 --> 00:14:01,880 just go back to what I was doing you 279 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,310 know I already had established myself it 280 00:14:04,310 --> 00:14:06,590 would be I thought easy enough to get 281 00:14:06,590 --> 00:14:10,060 back in so five months in into this 282 00:14:10,060 --> 00:14:13,340 experiment I walk in and I quit my job 283 00:14:13,340 --> 00:14:17,690 and I remember that morning just I mean 284 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,330 I told people I was going to do it and I 285 00:14:20,330 --> 00:14:22,220 hadn't told my boss yet but I was you 286 00:14:22,220 --> 00:14:25,250 know my family knew I remember calling 287 00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:29,420 my father and he said what do you you 288 00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:31,250 know how are you feeling and I said well 289 00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:34,270 I got got to tell you I'm very nervous 290 00:14:34,270 --> 00:14:41,090 but I'm a little afraid and he said what 291 00:14:41,090 --> 00:14:43,490 do you want to be afraid for I said you 292 00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:47,690 know what if you have just a little bit 293 00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:52,250 more faith than you have fear you're 294 00:14:52,250 --> 00:14:53,090 gonna be okay 295 00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:57,950 I didn't realize the the implications of 296 00:14:57,950 --> 00:15:00,080 what I had done but what I had done 297 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,620 essentially was I had just cleared my 298 00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:07,580 desk and said I am NOT going to think 299 00:15:07,580 --> 00:15:12,770 about anything but this for six months 300 00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:14,630 for a year I'm not going to do anything 301 00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:19,310 but this and you know in a way it would 302 00:15:19,310 --> 00:15:21,650 have been much easier to to keep working 303 00:15:21,650 --> 00:15:24,140 and to you know I would have had 304 00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:26,330 something to hide behind right 305 00:15:26,330 --> 00:15:29,810 had it not worked out and so that first 306 00:15:29,810 --> 00:15:32,800 day it's like oh my god what did I do 307 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,600 you know because I've declared to the 308 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:37,660 world that I'm going to become a writer 309 00:15:37,660 --> 00:15:39,649 how insane 310 00:15:39,649 --> 00:15:44,959 is that what arrogance and audacity and 311 00:15:44,959 --> 00:15:48,170 I mean what were you thinking and I was 312 00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:51,079 paralyzed I was paralyzed for like a day 313 00:15:51,079 --> 00:15:52,790 or two I couldn't do anything I just 314 00:15:52,790 --> 00:15:55,910 like what did I do and you know because 315 00:15:55,910 --> 00:15:57,769 there was nothing that I could say oh 316 00:15:57,769 --> 00:16:00,259 I've got to go do this I can't do it 317 00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:00,920 right now 318 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,050 there's nothing else there's nothing you 319 00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:05,869 have to do but sit your butt in that 320 00:16:05,869 --> 00:16:07,999 chair and write that book you said you 321 00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:10,309 were going to write and if I if it 322 00:16:10,309 --> 00:16:15,529 doesn't happen it's because you know you 323 00:16:15,529 --> 00:16:17,779 couldn't do it you didn't have the nerve 324 00:16:17,779 --> 00:16:20,329 just to stay and do what you said you 325 00:16:20,329 --> 00:16:21,800 were going to do or you didn't have the 326 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:24,529 talent one of those two I think I knew 327 00:16:24,529 --> 00:16:26,449 that I had to put myself through that I 328 00:16:26,449 --> 00:16:29,869 had to go through that fire or it 329 00:16:29,869 --> 00:16:30,439 wouldn't happen 330 00:16:30,439 --> 00:16:34,610 I started riding again and and and then 331 00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:36,559 I didn't look back I just kept going and 332 00:16:36,559 --> 00:16:40,040 my dad worked every job you can imagine 333 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,170 he was a policeman he's a fireman he 334 00:16:42,170 --> 00:16:44,689 drove a cab you the delivery man for 335 00:16:44,689 --> 00:16:47,779 coca-cola spent 33 years working for the 336 00:16:47,779 --> 00:16:51,470 USDA he rode horseback along the field 337 00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,959 on this up and back I mean till he was 338 00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:58,399 69 and had to retire you know was at the 339 00:16:58,399 --> 00:17:01,639 point where he was going to retire you 340 00:17:01,639 --> 00:17:03,949 know the idea of becoming an artist was 341 00:17:03,949 --> 00:17:08,390 so beyond I mean nobody was nobody is an 342 00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:11,089 artist in my family I mean that's not 343 00:17:11,089 --> 00:17:13,039 that's not something you do you go you 344 00:17:13,039 --> 00:17:17,029 find a good-paying job you you go you do 345 00:17:17,029 --> 00:17:19,279 you spend your time in school and then 346 00:17:19,279 --> 00:17:21,079 you find the job and you start working 347 00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:24,470 and you do very traditionally the only 348 00:17:24,470 --> 00:17:26,029 way I could give myself permission to do 349 00:17:26,029 --> 00:17:30,740 this was to do it and to feel like I was 350 00:17:30,740 --> 00:17:35,179 moving forward like I was on a path so I 351 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,419 would do things for instance it occurred 352 00:17:38,419 --> 00:17:40,640 to me that because I was writing about 353 00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,520 particular region and I had already 354 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:49,539 become aware of how many authors became 355 00:17:49,539 --> 00:17:54,910 identified and sometimes negatively so 356 00:17:54,910 --> 00:17:58,340 not negatively so but but a limiting way 357 00:17:58,340 --> 00:18:03,250 to a particular region you know and 358 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:06,410 regional writers you know as though they 359 00:18:06,410 --> 00:18:10,250 don't have a voice beyond that and I and 360 00:18:10,250 --> 00:18:12,080 I was aware of that and I wanted to sort 361 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:15,560 of yeah for me I felt like these stories 362 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,810 stories of my family what I knew about 363 00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:22,880 the valley were so rich that it would be 364 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,060 a shame if they didn't get out into the 365 00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:29,390 world I thought well if these stories 366 00:18:29,390 --> 00:18:31,430 are going to have legs if they're going 367 00:18:31,430 --> 00:18:37,640 to be stories that people in New York or 368 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:42,950 San Francisco or Minnesota wherever are 369 00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:45,440 going to want to read they've got to be 370 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,620 stories that they can be published in 371 00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:53,030 those places as stories so I wouldn't 372 00:18:53,030 --> 00:18:56,090 send my stories anywhere in the 373 00:18:56,090 --> 00:18:56,900 southwest 374 00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,630 I wouldn't send a story to any 375 00:18:59,630 --> 00:19:05,020 publication in Texas Arizona New Mexico 376 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:08,990 you know Nevada I sent that daily 377 00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:12,100 closest was Northern California and 378 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:14,240 that's it and then I would go to the 379 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,940 Midwest and I'd go to the Northeast and 380 00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:19,550 I had a map and I said I said this is my 381 00:19:19,550 --> 00:19:22,430 area and if I can get it published there 382 00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:26,900 then this means something if I and it 383 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,550 wasn't that I didn't you know there's 384 00:19:28,550 --> 00:19:30,350 some very good journals and magazines 385 00:19:30,350 --> 00:19:33,290 throughout to this region we've got a 386 00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:35,780 rich history in that way but I felt that 387 00:19:35,780 --> 00:19:36,980 they would be looking at it differently 388 00:19:36,980 --> 00:19:42,770 either either sympathetically or they 389 00:19:42,770 --> 00:19:44,870 would they would know things about the 390 00:19:44,870 --> 00:19:48,020 region and I wanted it to be read with 391 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,810 eyes that had never never knew anything 392 00:19:50,810 --> 00:19:53,570 about this but it was the only way that 393 00:19:53,570 --> 00:19:55,430 I could I could move forward first 394 00:19:55,430 --> 00:20:00,200 lesson that I learned as a writer was 395 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:06,740 that the single most valuable commodity 396 00:20:06,740 --> 00:20:09,590 is time that there is nothing that is 397 00:20:09,590 --> 00:20:12,590 more valuable than time finding that 398 00:20:12,590 --> 00:20:14,660 that time and holding that time and 399 00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,700 appreciating that time on a daily basis 400 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:18,890 is a big challenge in me even when you 401 00:20:18,890 --> 00:20:27,790 have the time to stay focused and to not 402 00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:32,960 lose that that hunger the motivation has 403 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,020 to come internally and it's you know 404 00:20:36,020 --> 00:20:38,000 it's it's a challenge to put yourself 405 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:42,740 out there part of what I think motivated 406 00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:45,860 me initially to was that I felt that 407 00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:47,600 there was a perception of the border 408 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,600 region that just simply was not accurate 409 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,950 you know people thought of the border 410 00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:53,510 they thought of everything that was 411 00:20:53,510 --> 00:20:56,480 wrong with the border and part of that 412 00:20:56,480 --> 00:21:02,240 has to do with I think just regionally 413 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,440 how kind of remote we are that if a 414 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,760 national news organization is going to 415 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,309 come down here to cover an event it 416 00:21:10,309 --> 00:21:13,100 usually is something catastrophic you 417 00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:15,140 know so it's some heinous crime 418 00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:17,420 something some drug cartels some 419 00:21:17,420 --> 00:21:19,370 whatever that they're not going to come 420 00:21:19,370 --> 00:21:21,200 they're not going to drive two or three 421 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,340 hundred miles down here to cover 422 00:21:24,340 --> 00:21:27,410 ordinary people alright and so the 423 00:21:27,410 --> 00:21:29,630 consequence is that the rest of the 424 00:21:29,630 --> 00:21:31,670 world thinks that it's all drug lords 425 00:21:31,670 --> 00:21:34,010 and you know drug traffickers and 426 00:21:34,010 --> 00:21:35,090 what-have-you 427 00:21:35,090 --> 00:21:38,120 where I want to believe that that my 428 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:44,059 work ended up was in showing people on 429 00:21:44,059 --> 00:21:54,710 the border as simply people camping 430 00:21:54,710 --> 00:21:59,720 loving hating messing up doing all the 431 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,890 things that people do that yes they're 432 00:22:03,890 --> 00:22:05,570 very tied to their culture yes but 433 00:22:05,570 --> 00:22:08,090 languages is key to that 434 00:22:08,090 --> 00:22:10,250 but that these readers are seeing them 435 00:22:10,250 --> 00:22:12,230 as humans they're seeing them as humans 436 00:22:12,230 --> 00:22:14,300 first and then they're seen in those 437 00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,760 mexicanos there's a theory that you that 438 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,140 you write the kind of book that you 439 00:22:18,140 --> 00:22:20,840 would want to read that you want right 440 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,810 and you know to get back to my earlier 441 00:22:23,810 --> 00:22:27,050 point I think I wrote that book that I 442 00:22:27,050 --> 00:22:29,450 wanted as a kid that I wanted to see 443 00:22:29,450 --> 00:22:31,550 some part of my experience that I wanted 444 00:22:31,550 --> 00:22:34,340 to understand what this was about 445 00:22:34,340 --> 00:22:36,710 I would I would hope that I'm still 446 00:22:36,710 --> 00:22:40,700 evolving as a writer I felt my best when 447 00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:43,970 I when I'm a little bit afraid but I 448 00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:45,320 have a little bit more faith right I 449 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,680 mean when I have a little bit of fear 450 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:50,000 that usually tells me that I'm on a good 451 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,400 path that you know something something 452 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,450 Goods happening here there's a girl who 453 00:22:55,450 --> 00:22:57,740 came up to me and said I want to be a 454 00:22:57,740 --> 00:22:58,450 writer 455 00:22:58,450 --> 00:23:03,230 she already knew this you know and I'm 456 00:23:03,230 --> 00:23:05,270 not sure if she had read my stuff or why 457 00:23:05,270 --> 00:23:10,640 but she was very and and then later she 458 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,270 graduated and heard that she'd won a 459 00:23:13,270 --> 00:23:16,870 scholarship and to get up and give a 460 00:23:16,870 --> 00:23:22,040 little bit of a you know speech and had 461 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:24,440 said that you know that this was 462 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:26,960 something that that she really wanted to 463 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:29,710 do and they asked her later and it was 464 00:23:29,710 --> 00:23:33,110 you know in part this conversation that 465 00:23:33,110 --> 00:23:35,660 we had that sort of had confirmed you 466 00:23:35,660 --> 00:23:36,620 know I think she was already on that 467 00:23:36,620 --> 00:23:40,190 path it's great I mean I probably save 468 00:23:40,190 --> 00:23:44,890 her a lot more time than I know I waited 469 00:23:44,890 --> 00:23:49,070 you know whatever it was an extra 15 470 00:23:49,070 --> 00:23:51,320 years before I started writing to 471 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,300 continue a bit of our exercise yesterday 472 00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:58,820 in my knee our histories are you know 473 00:23:58,820 --> 00:24:01,379 that the the 474 00:24:01,379 --> 00:24:03,609 really all the material that you have 475 00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:08,379 inside you where I show students is they 476 00:24:08,379 --> 00:24:11,529 have to have to find a way of finding 477 00:24:11,529 --> 00:24:15,789 their voice they have to become very 478 00:24:15,789 --> 00:24:17,619 comfortable with that that they have to 479 00:24:17,619 --> 00:24:19,989 understand their voice and what it does 480 00:24:19,989 --> 00:24:21,850 on the page and there's really no way of 481 00:24:21,850 --> 00:24:24,340 doing that but to do a day and day and 482 00:24:24,340 --> 00:24:29,739 day and day and day out and to and to be 483 00:24:29,739 --> 00:24:32,710 driven by that and you know to try to be 484 00:24:32,710 --> 00:24:35,739 as true as you can to that experience 485 00:24:35,739 --> 00:24:39,970 and so yeah I think finding that boys 486 00:24:39,970 --> 00:24:45,190 and remembering those lessons the Notre 487 00:24:45,190 --> 00:24:50,289 Dame last year and the the guy who was 488 00:24:50,289 --> 00:24:53,950 driving the taxicab said please advise 489 00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:58,809 and I got all the valley story there was 490 00:24:58,809 --> 00:25:00,909 like he was going like he you didn't 491 00:25:00,909 --> 00:25:02,350 have anybody else in the valley to tell 492 00:25:02,350 --> 00:25:04,629 the stories that he had been holding all 493 00:25:04,629 --> 00:25:05,950 these years and he'd been up there for 494 00:25:05,950 --> 00:25:11,559 years and years but it's such a kid it's 495 00:25:11,559 --> 00:25:14,919 this thing that you never lose that you 496 00:25:14,919 --> 00:25:19,889 you're you're you're tied to that it it 497 00:25:21,570 --> 00:25:26,499 it's the connection of the family it's 498 00:25:26,499 --> 00:25:34,230 the I think it's both the the rootedness 499 00:25:34,230 --> 00:25:36,180 okay 500 00:25:36,180 --> 00:25:38,190 and it doesn't happen to everyone but 501 00:25:38,190 --> 00:25:39,900 there's a because there is a definitely 502 00:25:39,900 --> 00:25:44,070 rootedness that you realize that you're 503 00:25:44,070 --> 00:25:45,660 not going to go anywhere else that this 504 00:25:45,660 --> 00:25:48,030 is no matter what the opportunities are 505 00:25:48,030 --> 00:25:51,750 out there that this is where your life 506 00:25:51,750 --> 00:25:55,050 was meant to be lived and that this is 507 00:25:55,050 --> 00:25:59,010 your world and and people will come back 508 00:25:59,010 --> 00:26:06,480 and there is yearning and the sort of 509 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,670 mourning that goes on when you leave 510 00:26:08,670 --> 00:26:13,080 that you have left a piece of yourself 511 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:17,760 that nobody from another part of the 512 00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:20,220 country even if anything from the border 513 00:26:20,220 --> 00:26:22,740 region is really going to understand 514 00:26:22,740 --> 00:26:25,650 what that means one of my feeling at the 515 00:26:25,650 --> 00:26:31,980 end my do actor played harmonica and an 516 00:26:31,980 --> 00:26:35,430 accordion and you know I hear that and I 517 00:26:35,430 --> 00:26:40,230 and I and I you know I I'm there I'm you 518 00:26:40,230 --> 00:26:42,810 know I'm and I'm in line getting the 519 00:26:42,810 --> 00:26:45,600 food and I'm getting the you know the 520 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:47,370 city hold is in the little Styrofoam cup 521 00:26:47,370 --> 00:26:49,290 and I'm you know I'm there I mean every 522 00:26:49,290 --> 00:26:50,940 year every one of those things you know 523 00:26:50,940 --> 00:26:52,710 and I'm being taken out on the floor and 524 00:26:52,710 --> 00:26:56,670 I'm dancing with the Dion and you know 525 00:26:56,670 --> 00:27:00,150 it's it's you you know you can tell 526 00:27:00,150 --> 00:27:03,440 somebody but you can't connect the 527 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,000 experience of what that was and what it 528 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:11,610 means on this other level and so there's 529 00:27:11,610 --> 00:27:14,190 there's so much tied up in that you know 530 00:27:14,190 --> 00:27:17,830 so goodbye it is 531 00:27:17,830 --> 00:27:19,720 it's endless 532 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:55,280 [Music]